As of today, I’m 37 weeks and 3 days pregnant. It’s insane to me how pregnancy is full of dichotomies. One day it feels like it’s flashing by and the next it feels like it’s dragging and I can’t wait to meet my baby. It’s full of excitement and happiness, but also full of anxiety and fear of things to come.
Right now, I’m feeling in this weird rut. I’m looking forward to finishing work next week, but I’m also a bit sad to say bye to my current routine. Moving has also become harder, and I need to monitor my activities levels this pregnancy so that I don’t crash by 6:30 pm when my kids still need me to help get them ready for bed.
Overall, I feel like my life is on pause until my baby makes their arrival. I’m not able to make any concrete plans for the summer because I’m not sure how my recovery will be, and I’m not able to set my usual fitness goals for myself because of how pregnant I am.
I’m in this weird stage, that I think a lot of pregnant women get to, where you’re starting to get ready for the next chapter (post-partum). It’s been so long since I’ve felt like myself that I’m starting to miss the person I was before I became pregnant, and I’m getting excited to get back to her again.
Why many moms feel this way
The number one thing I didn’t really fully understand before having my kids was how dependent they would be on you for every little thing. If you’re going from taking care of only yourself (or a dog/cat), it can be a lot to get used to.
Motherhood is a very selfless job. You put the needs of your children first, not just because you have to, but often because you want to. You end up loving these crazy little monkeys with your whole being and you want everything for them.
However, what some women find is that in this caregiver role, you might start to “miss yourself”. You start to miss the sense of identity, independence, and freedom you once had. Not because you regret becoming a mother, but because those parts of you matter too.
Especially with babies and toddlers, much of the day revolves around meeting someone else’s needs. Feeding, appointments, naps, childcare logistics, household management. It can feel like there is very little space left for your own interests.
Many mothers don’t necessarily miss being child-free. They miss having parts of themselves that existed alongside motherhood.
Why it’s normal
Having children changes your life faster than your identity can adapt.
Pregnancy, birth, and caring for babies can transform daily life almost overnight. Your routines, priorities, relationships, body, sleep, work, and free time may all change at once.
Meanwhile, your sense of self doesn’t update instantly. You may still internally feel like the person who had hobbies, goals, spontaneous weekends, or a certain career trajectory, even if your days now look completely different.
Pregnancy and postpartum also changes how your body, looks, feels, and functions. Even knowing and accepting these changes can still create a sense of loss or discomfort. Your body might not feel like it belongs to you especially if you’re breastfeeding.
During pregnancy, people constantly check on you. They ask how you’re sleeping, how you’re feeling, and whether you need anything. Then the baby arrives and suddenly the spotlight shifts. It’s natural and understandable, but it can leave some women feeling like they’ve disappeared into the background of their own story.
Small ways to reconnect with yourself
Here are a few small things you can do right now to “find yourself again”:
- Stop waiting to become your old self again
The old version of you isn’t gone, but she has changed. Motherhood adds layers to who you are. Instead of trying to become your pre-kid self again, my advice is to focus on getting to know the person you’ve become. You’re part of the mom club now, and you’re doing badass things.
2. Reconnect with interests, not just responsibilities
I’ve written a blog post about moms getting a hobby (linked here!) and I strongly stand by it. Moms need hobbies, and kids need to see their mom with interests and a life outside of their family.
3. Create something that belongs only to you
I started this blog as an outlet for myself and it’s slowing growing into something that I’m very proud of. Find your own outlet; this could be a garden, a fitness goal like a marathon, painting, or reading. Try a bunch of things that you’re interested in and remember that you’re a person with thoughts and ambitions of your own.
4. Don’t actually put your life on hold
I need to listen to this right now. While I feel like I’m on hold because I’m pregnant, I’m really not. I can still play with my kids, I can still set fitness goals, and I can still have fun. Things might look slightly different, but that’s all part of this big, beautiful life!
I keep trying to catch myself from saying things like “oh, when the baby is a year old, I’ll do x….” or something similar. Because the reality of the situation is, there is no magical date or timeline. You either do it or you regret not doing it later. Take the course, go on that vacation, see your friends.
5. Take care of the body you’re in now
Please, please, buy clothes that fit and get rid of the ones that don’t or make you feel gross. I feel a million times better in something that’s comfortable and cute, rather than something I wore when my body was smaller. Rock the larger size or the high-waisted jeans. You look like a million bucks.
Also, and I stand by this 100%: wear the bikini. Who cares what anyone else thinks. All bodies are beautiful and you deserve to not get weird tan lines because you’re afraid of what some joe-smoe might be thinking. Spoiler alert: they’re probably not even thinking of you. Being a mom sometimes comes with scars, stretch marks, and loose skin. These things are truly beautiful and a testament to the amazing things your body can do.
Also, invest and prioritize fitness and mobility. There is always space for you at any gym and getting stronger is sexy.
6. Let yourself be more than one thing
Motherhood is most likely the most important role in your life, but it doesn’t have to be the only one. You can be a devoted, caring mother, and also a badass, ambitious, interesting person. Don’t box yourself in.
What I’ve learned in this season
There is a reason “mom glow-up” Instagram reels and tik-toks are so popular. Moms are looking for ways to get their spark back and reconnect with themselves in the new season of life that they’re in.
Primarily, what I’ve found to be the most helpful mind-set change for me is to acknowledge that I’ve changed, and that I’ve changed for the better. I’m less concerned about what people think of me, and I will voice my opinions especially when it comes to my kids. I’ve learned to prioritize the things that truly matter in my life, since I don’t have time for things that drain me. I’ve also come to appreciate the little things my children do for me or the funny things they say. Hanging out with them right now is really fun for me.
Don’t get me wrong, I do crave some adult company and would love to just chill on a patio with no responsibilities for a little bit. But I truly love my kids and I’m soaking up this crazy bananas season of life I’m in.
Being pregnant with my third baby has shifted my perspective even further. I know I felt like I was losing myself in my last pregnancy and I ended up loving myself even more a year postpartum. I have the wisdom right now to know that it will be a slow process to get back to that feeling, but I have the experience to know that it will come. Kids are so small for such a short period of time, and trust me, it does get better.
There is so much to look forward to with your littles and there will come a day where you realize that you don’t feel overwhelmed, overstimulated, or resentful. You’re just happy. You’re happy that you created the life you did and you’re proud of yourself for all those long nights and cuddles you gave your kids. Because they’re the best kids ever, and it’s all thanks to you. Motherhood changes you, but it doesn’t erase you: you were just growing into someone new.
Related posts: [Hey Mom, get a Hobby!] | [Mid-Week Pick-Me Ups for Busy Moms] | [Ways I Stopped the Negative Self-Talk Spiral and What to Model for my Kids]