My New Year’s Resolution this year was to learn names. I know – it’s very basic and a bit embarrassing. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized how awful my excuse of “I’m just terrible with faces” is – it makes me sound lazy and flippant. And c’mon, everyone likes to be remembered. The moment someone I’ve met only briefly remembers my name or one of my kid’s names, I’m instantly impressed, and I like them even more.
However, I’m in the thick of parenting with two small kids under 3, and I find my brain just isn’t firing quite like it used to. The lack of sleep, lack of R&R, constant housework, and returning to work have led to the perfect storm of “mom brain”.
Mom Brain: the forgetfulness and brain fog that occurs after having a child
So, if you’re like me and find that some thoughts just *poof* disappear from your head if you’re not careful, then here are a couple tips that you can start using to improve your memory and combat “mom brain”.
Tip #1: Write things down
This is the biggest and best thing you can do to help you remember something. The list could probably stop here if I wanted it to.
Basically, if there is something important you need to remember, you should write it down. At work, I’ve started volunteering to take meeting notes, just because it forces me to a) pay attention and b) have a copy of what happened that I’ve transcribed. This makes me more aware of what happened in the meeting mostly because I either remember it being said or I remember physically writing (or typing) it.
For my day-to-day, I have a few notes saved to my phone that hit on important things in my life. Like my to-do list, grocery list, meal list, book list, ideas list etc… If I don’t write down a thought I have, it’s gone. Similarly, once you book an appointment, put that directly into your calendar. Don’t wait to do it later, put it directly into your phone’s calendar ASAP.
Tip #2: Try to Prioritize Sleep
I’m sorry to include this in my list – but you do need sleep. You’ll be fighting a losing battle without it. Now, I’m not trying to tell you to go to bed at 8:00pm, because for some families with littles, that’s unfortunately not realistic. What I am trying to say is: evaluate how you feel. If you’re a little spacey, on edge, or just not feeling yourself, maybe go to bed instead of watching another episode of Netflix.
Tip #3: Use Mnemonics
Whenever I think of mnemonics, I’m immediately transported back to grade school history and trying to memorize dates with my mom before a test. I find mnemonics to be boring, but they do work.
Essentially, they’re a personalized memory hack – it can be special patterns, rhymes, songs, or stories to help you create an association in your mind for whatever it is you want to remember.
For example, there is an emotional support dog in my office building. He’s absolutely adorable and I want to remember this cutie-patootie’s name. His name is “Jack”. He’s unfortunately missing one of his eyes. Pirates wear an eye-patch to cover one of their eyes. Captain Jack Sparrow is a famous pirate. Ergo, I think of Captain Jack when I see him and remember that “Jack” is this pup’s name.
I’ve also heard of people repeating names back when they are introduced to someone new. Like: “Hi, my name’s Jessica.” “Oh hi! Jessica, was it?”.
Sometimes, just a little song or repetition can do wonders to help you remember.
Tip #4: Eat Well
Your body wants whole, nutritious food and your brain runs best when it’s fueled properly. So, try your best to nourish your body with good, healthy, nutrient dense foods.
I feel like we all know by now that excessive sugar and caffeine can wreak havoc on our body systems and our moods. Do yourself a favour and try your best to eat well.
I follow the 80/20 rule when eating. Basically, I aim to eat as much whole, nutritious foods as possible but I’ll throw in a few treats here and there. I have a sweet tooth, so I’ll generally throw in something on the sweeter side during the day. If you find the majority of your food choices are fruits, veggies, protein sources, and complex carbohydrates – you’re good. If not, there is always room for improvement.
Tip #5: Pay Attention When Your Routine Changes
Our brain simplifies our life by often running on autopilot throughout the day. This is why you might not remember locking your door before you left the house even though you definitely did.
But this all gets shaken up with changes to our routines. This is how clothes, school bags, coffee cups, work bags, lunches etc… can get forgotten when we’re rushing somewhere new. Our brains haven’t had time to process the new stimuli into habits.
Therefore, with any changes to your routine, make sure you’re taking a quick, slightly more in-depth assessment of everything you need and have to do. Also, maybe write them down.
Tip #6: Live in the Moment and Use Your 5 Senses
Running on autopilot can be great to accomplish everyday tasks (i.e. see tip #5 above), but it’s not great for your memory. When you start to make an effort to “live in the moment” you’ll pay more attention to the things that are happening around you.
Take a few minutes every so often in your day to pay attention to your surroundings. The easiest way to accomplish this is to use your senses and narrate it in your head with 1-2 sentences each:
What do you see?
What do you smell?
What do you taste?
What do you feel/what are you touching?
What do you hear?
Bonus: this can also work to ground you if you’re feeling anxious.
Tip #7: Review Your Notes and Calendars
You know those notes I talking about you writing in the first tip – you should probably review them on a somewhat regular basis. Not only does this keep them at the forefront of your mind, but it also helps you avoid making a duplicate note.
Also, review your family calendars at least on a week-to-week basis. You want to avoid having events pop-up when you’re expecting a free weekend, or having double booked your kids to two parties on the same day at the same time (guilty!).
Just take a few minutes before you fall asleep on Sunday to check out the amazing week ahead of you.
Tip #8: Know Your Capacity and Limitations
You know yourself best, and at the end of the day, you know if you’re pushing yourself past your limits. If you’re in the thick of “mom-ing” and your kids are small, give yourself a little break and know that sometimes things will slip through the cracks. And really, “mom-brain” can be the perfect, funny excuse. Did you forget to put on mascara this morning? Or is your shirt on backwards? Well, that’s mom brain. It can be hilarious and quirky and innocently goofy.
I’m a mom of two beautiful little ones, and have spent the last 11 months on parental leave in Canada. My first is already in daycare, but my second will be starting in April when my year of parental leave is completed. Even though this will be my second time doing a “return-to-work” and I’m returning to the same job I left, this whole thing does not feel any easier. And it can be overwhelming to think about everything you should be doing to help your kids adjust. The mom-guilt can really hit you hard!
However, new life transitions are fantastic excuses to reset your thoughts, your mood, and your goals! A lot of return-to-work lists focus on making the transition easier for the kids, but I think we need one for moms (and dads) too. Here’s the list I’m following to help me prepare my own return-to-work that might help you as well!
1. Set New Goals and Review Leave
Just like New Years’ resolutions, going back to work can be a great opportunity to set some goals! It should be a fun exercise to help you reflect on your past year and to determine how you envision your future.
I would suggest that at least a month before your return, you make a date with yourself and start brainstorming. Your goals should follow the SMART format: are Specific, have a way to Measure your performance, are Achievable or realistic, are Relevant to you and your values, and are Time-Bound or have an expiration date. The closer you follow SMART, the more detailed your goals and the more likely you’ll achieve them.
My advice is to keep this process as simple as possible for yourself. I’m starting with 3 categories of goals: goals for work, goals for myself, and goals for my family. Next, I’m adding one or two goals for each category.
Additionally, you should review your past year and everything you’ve accomplished as a parent. Bottomline: parenting kids, especially little ones, is hard. It’s mentally demanding and sleep deprivation is no joke. Those tantrums can really grind your gears and maybe you have more grey hair than you did a year ago. Not to mention how physically demanding it can be to carry those children and their accessories (car seats, backpacks, bikes etc…). But, in reviewing your leave, you’re giving yourself an opportunity to clearly lay out your growth as a person. Maybe you’ve become more flexible, patient, organized, creative (make-believe anyone?), resilient, and overall just stronger. These are skills you can add to your mental resume and bring with you into your work-life. When you’re having a tough day, think back to these things you’ve learned and you’ll give yourself the cognitive boost to keep going.
2. Journal or “Brain Dump”
In case you thought otherwise, I’m clearly not sugar-coating this: going back to work is a big change. Just like the change you went through when you had your baby, you’re again making another huge transition. You are going to be a working mom. You’re going to be balancing a 9-5 job, daycare/school schedules, groceries, cooking, house chores, extracurriculars, playdates, your marriage/relationship, and it’s all while you’re trying to find a sliver of time for yourself. It doesn’t matter how your family divides house and child rearing duties, there will be a lot on your plate with pressure to ensure everything works smoothly. Cue shoulder tension, teeth clenching and some internal screaming
I’m going to throw you a little life-line called “the brain dump”. It’s not complicated, you just write whatever is on your mind. It can be any anxieties you have, worse case scenarios you’re afraid of, pros and cons of returning to work, to-do lists, etc…
Don’t worry about what you write. Don’t even pay attention to punctuation or grammar, just get those thoughts on paper (or the notes app on your phone). There is something so freeing in getting everything circling around in your head out. It can help make big problems smaller and maybe you’ll even see that you’re more prepared for this change than you thought.
3. Create a Vision Board
I LOVE vision boards. Making a vision board is a fun activity that can give you so much inspiration and motivation for your day. My favorite way to make a vision board is to use Pinterest. I like to search “X aesthetic”, for example “business casual aesthetic” to find images that will look neat on a vision board. Then, when you click on the image, there will be three dots below, clicking on these dots gives you the option to “add to collage”. Here you can place your image on a blank dot grid. You can resize it or change the orientation. You’re also able to add your own free text, images, or doodles. Add some quotes that resonate with you in addition to images. Maybe include some things you’re looking forward to with going back to work (hot coffee?), or some quotes that resonate with you now. When you’re finished with your Pinterest Collage, download it and save it as your phone screen saver. That way, every time you use your phone, you are reminded of your vision board. Maybe some images and quotes jump out to you more than others on any given day, but the constant reminder helps to reinforce your vision.
Hot take: you can change your vision board as many times as you want. Make one everyday if that feels good for you. I like making one monthly and I’ll label them “Month X 2025 Vision Board”. Sometimes the season (fall/winter/spring/summer) lends a theme to your board and sometimes you’ll find something new you’ll want to add right away.
4. Update Your Calendar/Sync Household Calendar
Family organization is invaluable when you return to work. I especially find postpartum that if I don’t write something down or make a huge effort to remember it, it will *poof* disappear with the wind. So I suggest writing down everything in your calendar coming up over the next couple of months, maybe even add in specialized advance reminders like “buy a birthday present for birthday party next week”. In my previous return to work, I found that with all the changes happening to your family dynamic, adjustments to a new work schedule, and the associated fatigue, that the days just flew by! Keeping personal events updated in your calendar can avoid holidays getting the jump on you or missing deadlines to register for children’s sports.
My husband plays hockey twice a week over the winter and golfs most weekends in the summer, so having a shared calendar has been so beneficial to know which days I’ll be solo. On those days I can plan easier meals and maybe have a playdate planned. We were gifted the Skylight Calendar this year for Christmas and it’s been so helpful to have everything organized in one program. Before the Skylight we used Google Calendar and sent event invites to each other for upcoming appointments. But, a good old fashioned paper calendar on your fridge does the job just fine!
5. Deep Clean your Space
Getting into the right headspace for work can also be as simple as a good ol’ spring clean. I’m tackling heavy traffic areas like the kitchen pantry, the living room, toy room, bathroom, and my closet. I know that with me going back to work these areas will not have much attention for a while and rather than have them become absolute disasters, I’m cleaning them now.
Clearing these spaces really paves the way for future success. You can see your current pantry offering for easier meal planning and expired products are gone. Family common spaces feel more Zen and welcoming to lounge in. And cleaning closets means an opportunity to offload ill-fitting clothing and outdated pieces.
6. Digital Declutter
Similar to clearing out physical spaces in your home, I suggest doing a digital clean of your phone, phone apps, and emails. Over my parental leave, I barely had the energy to check my emails choosing only to respond to the most important. So I have quite the buildup that I want to get rid of before heading back to work. In addition, I get so many promotional emails that don’t really apply to me and my lifestyle anymore. And for the benefit of my savings, I’m going to unsubscribe from the online retail emails I get – sorry Lululemon, but I really can’t be tempted with new leggings right now.
My phone has also slowly become a bit of a mess. I’ve gradually lost my organization and now I have airline apps next to banking apps. Basically, I need google maps just to navigate my phone pages.
So, review your digital devices and honestly, be ruthless. You can always resubscribe or redownload an app, but you’re really not going to go back to that promotional email that you got 4 months ago. Just delete it – you’ll feel so much better.
7. Plan Meals, Workouts, and Wardrobes
Planning is my emotional support animal. Not only does it save you time and valuable brain space, I find it eases my anxiety. If you meal plan for the week, you don’t need to do a last minute grocery shop as you’re driving home from work. And it saves you from spending money on eating out when you just say “F*** it, I can’t cook tonight”. I like to do a “Meal Plan Lite” since I hate spending my weekends batch cooking something that probably won’t taste super great in the the middle of the week. What I do is select 4-5 recipes for the week (you can delegate days to family members) and then make a grocery list. Then I order grocery pickup(it costs $1 at Fortinos in Ontario) and grab it all on Sunday. Easy-peasy done for the week, and you don’t even have to step into the store. However, I do like starting Monday with a low-effort prep recipe, such as a lasagna or a crockpot meal. I’ll put it together on Sunday to have it ready for Monday. And, little tip, make big batches of your dinners so that your leftovers get to be your lunches at work. No more cafeteria food for you – look at you go!
This time around, I’m also going to try a rotational meal plan and see how my family likes it. I’m going to make a menu for Week A, Week B, and Week C with each week having it’s own meal recipes. Then I’ll just cycle through the three weeks until I want a change. Hopefully this will keep meals interesting and easier to execute with my grocery deliveries.
For workouts, I strongly believe that the fewer barriers you have between you and your workout the better. Basically, the less mental load required, the less you’ll talk yourself out of whatever you’re supposed to be doing. Thus, plain and simple, plan your workouts. You can write them yourself, save Youtube videos, get an app, chat with AI to get some ideas etc… Just have your days planned, available, and easily accessible so no overthinking. Then, the cherry on top is to plan your workout time. Will it be early morning at 5 am, after work, or before/after dinner? Make it an appointment and don’t feel guilty about taking that time for yourself. You’re a better parent when you move your body and you’re modeling a healthy lifestyle for your children when you make it a priority. You also don’t need to restrict yourself into always working out at the same time, like the dreaded 5 am. For example, maybe Tuesdays and Thursdays are 5 am, but Wednesday you can do a lunch time workout. And be creative, if you follow a five day workout schedule with two rest days, perhaps you workout on both days of the weekend rather than during the week. Those days might be easier to get a workout in with your partner around and the physical activity can give you some weekend “me time”.
Finally, you can plan out your wardrobe on a week-to-week basis, or really even just the night before. Looking at outfit inspirations on Pinterest or Instagram is useful to know what’s trendy after living in athleisure for a year. Just this planning alone will save you valuable time in the morning.
8. Buy Something Fun
When my son first started going to daycare, I would bring him a small treat when I picked him up. It was something for him to look forward to and use to celebrate that he completed another day of daycare. It was usually a handful of gummy worms, but sometimes he’d get a kinder egg. I’d try to surprise him and make it as fun as I could. For moms, we have a bit of an aversion to doing things for ourselves, even if it’s something small. But, I’d really recommend that you do something similar for yourself. It doesn’t have to be big, it could be a chocolate bar at the end of the day or maybe giving yourself permission to buy that super fancy latte on Friday after making it through the week.
You can also purchase something bigger before you return, like a new shirt or a pair of jeans. Make it something you really like and that makes you feel more confident. I got new glasses and I’m looking forward to wearing them at work because they actually make me feel a bit stylish. Whatever you decide on, it should be something that provides you with a little dopamine boost that can just make your day a bit more enjoyable. It won’t be a habit you rely on, just something to make the transition a little easier.
Similar to treating yourself to something fun, pamper yourself a little bit. Maybe get a haircut or a manicure before you go back. Make it something that helps you feel a little more put together and polished before reintegrating into work. Even just painting your nails yourself and doing a DIY skin mask can work wonders for getting into the zone. This is the classic “fake it ’til you make it scenario”, the more self-assured you look, the more you’ll actually start to feel that way.
10. Give Yourself Grace
If you take away anything from this list, I want this to be it. All the preparation in the world can’t help you when life throws curveballs your way. Maybe you have a big work deadline that comes up soon after you start and you can’t follow your meal plan or workout. Maybe your toddler starts thinking it’s a great idea to refuse to wear pants in the morning. Maybe your family gets the stomach flu. Maybe you’re just “so so tired after work today, can we please just watch a movie and order in?” Point is, things are bound to happen that will derail even the best laid plans. And sometimes you feel like you’re killing it and other times like you’re barely keeping your head above water. Life has ebbs and flows so it’s important to be flexible with the understanding that you won’t be on top of everything all the time. So give yourself grace, give your partner grace, and give your kids grace.
You got this!
I’ve been incredibly fortunate to have been able to spend the last year dedicated to my daughter. Not every parents has this, nor does every parent have the support network that I’ve been blessed with. I’m also returning to an extremely supportive work-place that prioritizes family and a healthy work-life balance. Some aspects of this list may not be applicable to everyone, but I’m hopeful that most will get some benefit.
Moms, please don’t forget about yourself and your needs. Life as you know it is changing again! But, you’re adaptable and mentally resilient. So many bright days and experiences are ahead – you’ve got this!
Let me know if any of these tips helped you get ready for work! And let me know if I’m missing anything that you’d recommend!
